Inclusion and Resistance
by Darlene Goetzman
GLP
Partner & Certified Dialogue Education Teacher
On the first morning of a Learning to Listen, Learning to Teach course, several years ago, one woman, Judy* proclaimed,
"I want you to know my supervisor made me come, and I do not want to
be here."
Other ways I have heard resistance include:
- "This is a required course, so here I am."
- "What do I need to do to get an ‘A’?"
I’ve seen slouched bodies and clock-watchers, and I have embodied each and every one of these attitudes in some way. What I know now is when I feel heard and seen (accepted), and I am challenged–the likelihood of resistance is slim. AND, there are times when a different path is best for all concerned. So how I do I discern this right now?
Judy’s comments in the Learning to Listen course, were not only
welcomed and affirmed–they were celebrated! "I am pretty reasonable
most of the time, but I prefer to be asked–not told!" I empathized. All in the group heard and understood that she would participate to the extent she felt comfortable.
"Try the different activities–see if there is any part that might be useful to you–if not,
that’s ok." And it really was.
Did I have a hiccup when I first heard her declaration? You bet! A brief introspection helped me to find how I too might feel the same way as she did. From there it was easy. When it is not as easy is when I am not focusing on what this person or group is telling me is best for them, and am more concerned with what I imagine is best.
My dear friend, Marianne Reiff asks herself, "Is it about the learning?" Another way I research the situation is to notice in my own body–am I resisting? If the answer is yes, it is clear I am not modeling or creating inclusion. This is true whether I am teaching a course, consulting or for any other situation I am in.
If there TRULY is nothing to resist, there is no resistance.
I can take or offer another path–I can say, "No this doesn’t work
for me," or "Gee, you might want to try it, and we’ll check in
after," or "You might find a different course or consultant more
appropriate for your needs." All of these statements and many
others can be said and felt from a level of deep respect for the
"other" and myself.
If there is inclusion and mutual respect, there is no resistance. If there is no respect, another path will walk much more enjoyably.
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